Let’s face it. Big girls have got some problems. I have a long list of reasons to lose weight poetically titled “100 reasons to lose 100 pounds”, and they are all real issues that make being overweight hard to deal with at times. Things like not being able to wear high heels, enjoy the beach, or paint my own toenails without pulling a ligament. But I got to thinking about some of the things that big girls don’t have to worry about, and thought we should take a few moments to bask in the joy of these small but significant triumphs.
I got 99 problems…but I don’t have to worry about being cold.
While my skinny friends are wearing 6 sweaters, 3 coats and sitting on a heater, I have my own in-built blanket of warmth. No wind-chill in my bones; I am always warm. Except for my feet – I can’t reach those to put my socks on.
I got 99 problems…. But my friends don’t borrow my clothes.
I can’t remember the last time someone borrowed my favorite jacket. As a big girl my clothes are always where I left them, and not being admired on someone else. Of course, I can’t borrow anything of theirs either, but let’s stay focused on the positive here… My clothes are mine all mine!
I got 99 problems…. But I don’t worry about getting stretch marks during pregnancy.
Already got ‘em!
I got 99 problems…but it’s hard to get drunk.
If fat absorbs alcohol I am Spongebob. If food counteracts the effects of alcohol, I can definitely take another round. I am no ‘drinker’ by any means, but I’m always amazed by how little alcohol it takes for some girls to be sharing their secret love for Mr. So and So, and yelling ‘woooo’ while dancing by themselves. Upon further investigation it turns out they ate only three crackers for dinner, having decided to save their calories for vodka. Please! Eat some bread, girl, and give your bloodstream a chance. At the next weigh in, I may regret eating that bagel with mashed potato, but I will NOT be making a fool of myself after sniffing the wine.
I got 99 problems… but I don’t have to worry about an all-over tan.
Let’s be honest here…while some people think fat looks better brown, I think a big girl getting an all over tan is like drinking diet soda with your stuffed crust pizza; it’s too little too late, and completely unnecessary! I hate to admit it but Honey boo-boo’s mom got this one right; your arms, lower legs and chest are all that needs to be brown. It’s not like anyone is seeing the rest of it anyway, and anyone who is, already loves it.
I got 99 problems….but I never forget to eat.
I’m not sure this is actually a real problem, but it seems to be real for skinny girls who can often be found passed out by the water fountain at 3pm saying “gosh, I forgot to eat today, no wonder I have the shakes and literally hate everybody, I must immediately eat a raisin.” Serious stuff. I may not be able to see my toes, but you can be sure I keep my metabolism revved. by some voodoo trickery of my brain I often forget I ate earlier, ate junk, and ate too much, but I never forget to eat.
Despite the 99 problems that come with the 99 extra pounds there are some great perks to being a big girl. Sometimes I can even pass for a pregnant lady and get the good parking spot. Of course I can never shop there again, but it is helpful on a rainy day, and I was pregnant once upon a time, so what’s the issue here really?
At the end of the day, no matter what’s happening in your life, what shape you are, or what problems you are facing, there is always something to be grateful for.
I got 99 problems but these ain’t one.